The Iced Coffee Property

Above: A motivational graphic provided courtesy, Dr. James F. Catroppo, Ross University.

Becoming a doctor requires a lot of sacrifices... time... effort... but the most significant sacrifice of all was brought up by a late New York Times article...

"... A TEMPORARY LOSS
OF THE SENSE OF SELF."

We'll get to that in a second.

Saturday. I need to take breaks. Some of the latest research has said that taking breaks is actually quintessential to remembering and organizing material (the brain does some subconscious file-sorting thing). Or, sometimes I could just be using a break to push back studying the next 70 psych drugs I need to memorize. So, I have one of three choices:

1) Stand up, grab some random book on the shelf that looks interesting, and read it.
2) Sit at my computer and Facebook and Gchat away.
3) Stare at a nearby window and start daydreaming about being outside.

On Saturday Night, I was at one of my local Starbucks, so #1 really isn't an option, and #3 was already next to me (the Starbucks next to me has some amazingly giganormous windows), so #2 was up my alley. After strumming along, I notice that my friend Cathy posted up an article from the New York Times, with the following title: Taking Time for the Self on the Path to Becoming a Doctor.

I started to read, getting the main gist of the article about the sacrifice and how us medical students embrace that sacrifice to have this sense of disconnect between our professional and our personal lives. Let's back it up a step, and put it in less technical terms. The article acknowledges through a John Hopkins University School of Medicine research study that although medicine is a time and resource demanding job, finding that appropriate time to spend with family, enjoying hobbies, and enjoying time with self, will lead to less burnout in the future.

(The article put it dramatically with the sacrifice as stated above... LOSING MYSELF? I CAN'T LOSE MYSELF!)

I learned that disconnect between was a horrible thing back in Undergrad. My friend Neal taught me that I need to be in touch with my personal self, by doing a lot of the things the Johns Hopkins' study provided and by spending that quality time with me. However, through the Illinois Leadership Center, I also learned that introducing personality and embracing a job as a "hobby" of one's own allows for a gratifying crossover between the two seemingly separate worlds. I think that both are critical for maintaining my morale.

When I was done, I looked up and there was a perfect example of how to accomplish some of this... right in front of me.

Sunday Night. I go to many coffeehouses in my area. There's some with free wi-fi, some with comfy leather chairs, others that serve time-saving lunch and dinner, and even some with all of the above. Like I said before, I can't study at home. However, this one Starbucks near my house has one characteristic that all the other coffeehouses, even other Starbucks, didn't have.

I'm observing one of the baristas, Adam, and how he interacts daily with customers, such as myself:

"Hey, how you doing today?"
"Great! How are you doing?"
"Doing well. What can I get you started with today?"
[Insert customized Starbucks order here]
"What are you guys up to tonight?"

And through this, he started a conversation learning a few things about what people get to do on a staurday night, and all with a genuine smile that says, I'm enjoying my job. I've seen him have a great dialogue on race and the suburbs with several people who just walked in, and even talk about computers with a guy who set up his own office in the corner of the shop. And on Sunday night, he came and talked to me about medical school. As I kept watching, I felt that same aura of the rewards he was reaping through simply talking; it was that enjoyment of getting to know people.

Don't get me wrong though, he was still getting his job done (and well, may I say), cleaning up floors at appropriate intervals, taking customers up as they were walking in the door (even mid-conversation), and even putting bags of coffee on the shelf appropriately. His interactions with his co-workers were also noteworthy (with Adam and Chaz at the counter, it can get quite entertaining).

You know, he could easly be a Barista who:

1) Did his job, day in and day out, not caring about the interactions with his customer. (Burnout in the forseeable future, no?)
2) Talked and talked, but never did anything for his job. (Just a talker, not a doer.)

But he was neither. He did something what many doctors can't do (combine doing their job while enjoying learning from their customers)... in a coffeeshop. And thus, with this, I name the following The Iced Coffee Property.*

"To live every day of my life with medicine, a day I don't learn just more about the science itself, but to also enjoy learning from the people who I take care of everyday, not just about medicine, but about the fulfilling lives they live. And to encourage them to live their life to their fullest, through encouragement and through allowing my personality to penetrate the job."

And there, folks, is my hobby, my way of envisioning crossing my personal and my professional life... a way to make sure that I live my love for medicine, while satisfying my thirst for always learning something new. For those of you who struggle with the idea that medicine is a burnout field, go grab some iced coffee. Then you'll see.

Source: The New York Times.

*Named after my regular item on the menu: A grande iced coffee with nonfat milk, and sugar-free vanilla sweetner. I have to watch my calories you know.

What's really behind your decisions?

Above: Ming Hsu, according to LASNews, one of the pioneers in a growing field called NeuroEconomics. Picture courtesy: Illinois Today.

One thing that I love about the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, my Alma Mater, is the loads of Alumni publications that I recieved from the land-grant university, established in 1869. One of them comes from the college that my major (Integrative Biology) belongs to, called LASNews (LAS = Liberal Arts and Sciences). In it are loads of articles with updates on how the school is doing, what research is going on from the various fields in the college, and not to mention, the classic requests for giving back to the Alma Mater.

The front cover of this semester's magazine had a picture of a brain CT scan, with a stash of cash superimposed on it. The headliner goes something like this:

"Money on the Brain: THERE'S A LOGICAL DECISION WHY WE SOMETIMES MAKE IRRATIONAL DECISIONS - ITS HOW WE ARE WIRED."

Economics, to me, is quite an interesting subject, as it can be related to every single day of our lives. Why? At least in high school, I learned that the field has a lot to do with how we consider the benefits and costs of decisions in order to make them. Ming Hsu, as featured in this article took this decision making further: looking at how different parts of our brain contribute to that decision making.

As medical students: our dip into neurology involves which parts of the brain affect different aspects of how our body is regulated, everything from the involuntary (breathing, heart rate, sensation) to the voluntary (movement of our limbs). However, most of the neuropsychology research that I did in undergrad really didn't make the cut toward the medical curriculum.

The brain is one of the most perplexing things known to man. We know already that there are centers for many of our different brain functions, such as the amygdala for our emotions, our hippocampus for creating new memories (go rent Memento, one of the most realistic examples of amnesia on the big screen), and the hypothalamus, which regulates many of the processes that go on within our bodies without us even knowing it. Even broader areas of the brain have been loosely defined, such as the left side, for most of us, the center of calculation, while the right side of the brain has been shown for more abstract, artsy thought.

Through a use of various neuroimaging technologies (where basically the brain lights up as different colors depending on how active each part is) and putting people through standardized decision making (such as the reknowned economics ultimatum game), Hsu can see how different areas of the brain contribute to our daily tasks of making decisions. By combining economics, neuroscience, and psychology, he has become a pioneer in a new field called neuroeconomics.

I'd love to see what conclusions Hsu has... maybe finally after some type of traumatic event or neurodegenerative disease we can have a better idea how decision making may be affected. We know that some diseases affect specific areas of the brain. Who knows, perhaps it will be more comforting to the families of brain trauma patients, if clinicians could give them a better idea of what types of cognitive challenges their loved one may face. They would know when the decision was considered appropriately and when exactly to assist in making appropriate decisions, allowing the patient a degree of independence & confidence (instead of thinking that every moment their loved one was incapable of making decisions for themselves).

With a little predictability due to neuroeconomics, us clinicians could make life a little less frustrating for patients and their families.

Source: LASNews Magazine, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

Overcast

Above: The Ross University Entrance in its same glory...

captured either in August 2007 or April 2009.

IMAGINE...

Flying on a plane to an unknown destination...

The plane is coming to a landing...

The destination is near, beneath the gray haze that looms...

However, when the haze and the clouds clear...

You see the green nature isle called Dominica.

---

Rubie, once again from the Big Apple, says:

"As a future prompt, I'd like to hear more about the antagonists in your story."

I have to say that this is quite a story to tell about my five semesters in Dominica, but there's a lot of importance in how it really shaped the way that I started to look at things. I'll try to sum it up in a nutshell, but I'll warn you, that it is a complex story with a simple explanation. I'm also going to warn you: this may paint a darker story on my time at Ross than the one I actually experienced, but I wanted to hash out the ideas as best as I could.

AUGUST 2007. To me, the car is one of the best places to meditate. As I was closing out my final semester at the University of Illinois, there was one night that I took my 2002 Ford Focus out for a drive at four-o-clock in the morning from Champaign all the way to Decatur, Illinois, and back. Driving in the middle of nowhere at that time, it was expected that the road and me would be spending some quality time with each other. Although it was clear that night, there were times I'd actually slow down to 40 mph, and put on my hazard lights, and drive right into a deep patch of fog. With it already being pitch black, I could barely see past the fog. It was scary, but there was no turning back across the median, as going off-road wasn't exactly a specialty of my vehicle.

However, that night, I know I said to myself then that my time at the University of Illinois was one that I could not be more thankful for. Four years at the Big Ten institution helped me to define myself. One of my greatest experiences there was working as a Resident Advisor. Although not exactly perfect at times, I loved the people I worked with, many of my residents, and for the most part the great positivity and the teamwork to face challenges in the halls (i.e. getting ideas together for programs, directing people on move-in day, and of course, directing traffic on move-in day). With great direction under my series of resident directors (Tanya & Jenni in my undergrad era, Steve & Chad in my graduate era), I felt like they led me towards allowing my leadership skills to grow and to shine.

However, little did I know my abilities soon would be stifled...

SEPTEMBER 2007. I reach Ross University, after my final summer in Champaign, with 50 lb of luggage in one hand and a backpack in the other. I remember my first trip down a Dominican road, and me just laughing at the absurd curves and switchbacks I was going through. My enthusiasm for Dominica was there... I mean after all, how many times have I seen on those PBS travel channels the beauty of a developing third-world nation. And now, I was living it!

But then I head out to the social that night at the Portsmouth Beach Hotel, and something didn't feel right. There was a cloud I had to shift through to find genuine positive people... That cloud surrounded me... with ideas about attitudes about the island, the stresses of med school taking its toll on students, and even an aura of pompous worn by some of the student body. I remember calling my great friend Don on the phone in that first week, complaining about the cloud that had surrounded me... I felt that positive aura that became a part of me was left back home...

Now, reading the wikipedia definition of antagonist:

An antagonist (from Greek ανταγωνιστής - antagonistes, "opponent, competitor, rival") is a character, group of characters, or an institution, who represents the opposition against which the protagonist(s) must contend.

Rubie, that's the thing I like about this definition: antagonism at Ross was so complex - everywhere from attitudes about Dominica, to gossip, to things not working out, to people's outlooks - that I couldn't attribute it to a single person, or a whole group of people... it all goes back to that cloud. It made things not feel right: I wasn't sure of my own actions, what I was learning, and or even interact with others as well as I did back in my heyday at U of I. And that's the thing too, there wasn't a Jenni, Tanya, Steve or Chad to step in and give me words in the right direction. A few weeks ago, I wrote an entry on trusting myself... in the first four semesters, I really didn't feel like I could even do that.

I felt the cloud had already defeated me...

APRIL 2009. After traveling on a plane over and over again, I've gotten used to replacing the car with my plane flights as great places to meditate. I started to think about that cloud and how it affected me at ross. Every time I saw each instance (many of them left out for terms of conciseness in this entry), I saw that the monster wasn't in that cloud. It wasn't even the people I interacted with... and in that plane flight seat my eyes grew out of their sockets when I discovered...

The monster that was behind this was... my apathetic self.

I wasn't being a leader. When things wouldn't work out because of the cloud, I wasn't acting in the same ways I would as a RA, by taking direction. However, I wasn't alone, many of my good friends were also affected by the cloud. I simply shuttered myself from the action, took things passively, and let the pompous take the wheel. I knew I could have stopped the cloud deep in its tracks from surrounding me, but I let myself be apathetic to it. I wasn't active enough in trying to keep those attitudes away from me, thinking I could do nothing to change it. But by fifth semester, I had to relearn that I could still create change by taking action.

Would I say that my experience was ruined by the monster inside of me? Rubie, the answer is a definite: no. My medical experience at Ross is something I value as a great thing. As lengthy as this story was about antagonists, that monster still had not taken me away from some of the greatest moments I've had with my friends, my student groups, and my professors (there were a lot of them, some of them I have wrote about already and some will write about in the near future). However, it was a wake up call: I need to live once again like that night on the interstate alone... If I see fog, I'm going to drive into it head on.

I hope this answers your prompt. Sorry about the delay, I'll admit that my study manuals and me have been on frequent (yet, enjoyable) dates. :P But keep the prompts coming.