Humble Beginnings

Above: A doctor making a quiet appearance in Robert McCall's mural Reaching for the Stars, 1982.

"EGO IS THE BIGGEST
ENEMY OF HUMANS."
-- The Rig Veda, a collection of over 1,000 hymns, which contain the mythology of the Hindu gods.

I don't know if it was truly planned this way, but I think that Ross gave me a neccesary humbling view of the medical profession...

A few weeks ago... During COMP studying, I was sitting in my typical spot at one of the public libraries. While working on questions, I look up and there was one of the people I went to high school with (keep in mind, long story, but high school wasn't exactly a Cinderella story for me). When I looked up she was about to head in another direction when our eyes linked, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "Hey!" She walks over and says "I see you're studying for the Step too." I knew that she went to a U.S. Medical School, so I told her about how Ross gives us the COMP, how I'm away from Dominica now, and the nine-yards about coming from a Caribbean Medical School. The whole time I could tell she had one of those smiles that kinda was put there for kicks. When I finished, all she could say was "Good luck." I wished her the same, and she walked away.

I turned around back to my computer screen, thinking, "Wow, she seemed really snotty."

For those of you unfamiliar with the medical school stories, in short there's definitely discrimination of us Caribbean students pitted against the traditional US student. Our programs are virtually the same in many manners, from organization, to class structure, to topics taught. There's not enough space to fit all of us future doctors in the states, so Caribbean schools were opened, one of the first for this purpose was Ross University in 1978. Although there are many similarities, that "I'm better than you" sentiment has been felt and seen with many of my friends interacting with US Medical Students at residencies and rotations. However, the feedback has been good for us Ross students, with many of our rotation sites saying that our performance has been equivalent or better than U.S. students.

So there :P. But I'm not here to get egotistical about our performance, for a reason.

Going to Ross has made me think retrospectively: had I gone to a med school in the states would I be acting the same way to someone who hasn't made it into med school? Would I be acting the same to my friends who went to a Caribbean med school? I'll be honest, I don't know. But what I can say is that being in this position has really taught me that, no matter who you are, Caribbean or US Medical Student, we're all in the same boat right now: about to take one of the most important exams of our lives, the Step.

Yes, going to a US Medical School is quite an accomplishment, as getting in over thousands of students is no easy job, but in truth, wearing that ego may do more damage to the profession than one may think. We're all going to become doctors, we all have the goal to help the health of the human race. Who cares what school one went to: a respectful sharing of knowledge, fighting for the patient, and effective teamwork is what us doctors need to do to carry medicine forward. When working separately, and not sharing knowledge appropriately, who knows if our decisions are the best ones made or if we overlooked a detail or two? How about encouraging other doctors to perform their best, even if it may seem bettering others than ourselves? Our pride as doctors should, in the end, benefit our patients not our ego.

To me, an ego can only stand in the way of taking care of our focus: patients. An ego won't get any of us closer to our goals as doctors, will it?

The Inquisition

Above: The San Juan, Puerto Rico skyline from the Best Western Hotel & "Casino."

WHY EXACTLY DID YOU GO

TO MEDICAL SCHOOL?

There's no doubt about it... the human race is a curious one. We always are finding ourselves asking questions for a multitude of reasons, either philosophically or scientifically. I don't think I can come up with a time that A) we're not ever asking ourselves a question or B) can't ever come up with one. However, one of the most intriguing things about being inquisitive is there are questions that I ask myself over... and over... and over again... such as:

Why do I want to become a doctor?

No, I'm not going to take this entry to try to rewrite the essay question that I answered (multiple times) as I was applying to medical school. For many people, that's one of the first times that they truly start asking themselves that question... why they are entering this niche in life. However, as an inquisitive human myself, I have to say that I've asked this question many times as I've sat down with books when I was studying. And I'll admit that the answer hasn't been exactly the same each time I've asked...

Coming to Ross is no joke. I've heard about the specific discrimination that some med students have in the states for med schools that say it's a "beach" of a time when you go to a caribbean school. I'll be honest with you: it isn't. I can go for pages about how the program does have the rigor of a US School, and sometimes how the school can sometimes catch me off guard with policy & administration changes.

It's the loads of sacrifices that I have to make that add to my weight.

- I'm thousands of miles away from home, mom & dad, my friends.

- I don't have a car to drive around.

- Living in a developing country, and not having the "amenities" and "distractions" present in the developed world.

- And I had to give up some of my favorite things in life: including the super slurpee that I'm craving for right now.

And that's when the self-inquisition sets in. For the economists: it all comes back to a game of costs and benefits on myself. I'll start questioning whether or not being away from the comforts and cares I had in life is worth it for the long and winding road. I've also pep talked my friends into rethinking that big Why? question. Some of the answers that truly worry me about getting into medicine (especially if its the only reason) include the following:

I really want to care about people.

I am doing this for my mom and dad, to make them happy.

It's a great field with great job security & benefits.

And every time I read those answers... I say those can be some ways to get involved in medicine, at least for the short run. But where's the self-drive in those answers, what's going to keep people passionate about what they do everyday... to strive even more and to be happy with working hard.

I sometimes think that the commonly heard 40 year-old depressed doctor comes from the wrong rationale behind going to medical school. I keep hearing quotes - and also keep forgetting where they've been coming from - that sound like, "You can't take care of other people, until you take care of yourself." I believe that a person needs to empower themselves with a rationale for their own self-benefit to succeed at what they do. And that's where I draw the line between primary and secondary self-drive (my lingo for motivation).

1) Secondary Self-Drive

Let's start with the more concerning of the two. I'll admit that job security and benefits is a self-drive, but I would call that more of a secondary. I'm thinking secondary in terms of going through a physical outlet to achieve that "final satisifaction" for what you do. It's not a direct hit. For instance, in job security, the road to getting to getting that happiness and satisfaction looks like this:

Medicine => Secure Job => Satisfaction

Let's say that A) you don't get into the match... satisfaction isn't going to set in.

Let's say that B) you get to the secure job... you've already accomplished it... so what's new that's driving you?

It all goes back to if that secondary self-drive is removed... how can one make it to the goal of satisfaction with the loss of that driving factor? It's good to have secondary self-drives, but it needs a backbone:

2) Primary Self-Drive

I honestly believe that a primary self-drive is what actually will drive me to being successful at what I do and keep me motivated. A primary self-drive looks like this: I'm in medicine because I really am motivated to learn more about how our lungs work and potentially improve the prognosis of patients who develop lung cancer. And bam...

Medicine => Satisfiaction.

Take a look at the direct link back to the subject topic - the academic world of medicine - and how there's a pure interest in what this person would be getting into - the subject topic & improving the situation. There's a reason for looking into those books and to strive further than any man has done before. It can be applied to any situation... i.e. going to a bar for the ambience.

It's tough to define... but think of it this way: name a way you wouldn't satisfy the example above... the only way is if you never find the answer to the problem. BUT!... Remember, how I said we're a curious group of people? Unless you're not human... you'll be satisfied & content with what you do.

Okay, so the rationale is done primarily & secondarily... finally keep in mind of one big hole...

3) The Black Hole of Vagueness

I think that one of the greatest things that I learned at my Alma Mater (the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign) is that a goal in life needs to be defined well. It's great to define your self-drive, but don't forget about defining the ways or coming up with a game plan to go about it (i.e. doing medical research, reading up on journal articles, etc. etc.). A game plan is crucial to laying out what needs to be done so one doesn't fall off track that the drive has them on. So with realizing the answer to this big Why? question, make up a game plan to make it happen.

And when I look at it all, for being successful and being happy with what I do, which is the way I define satisfaction, there are going to be primary and secondary self-drives that motivate me. However, in the end, but it will always come back to what you're truly passionate about... the primary self-drive about what the field you're in or what you're doing.

So next time you have a friend who's about to join into medicine or even just entering college, tell them that its okay to be selfish. Because if there is a self-will, there's a way to travel down a successful and may I say, enjoyable road. And yes, you'll still be able to take care of that humanitarian side of you, just remember to take care of yourself first. No matter what field you're participate in with life, it's a good thing to just remind yourself of why you got into that field in the first place. Perhaps you'll realize that all the sacrifices you made were worth it.

Ahhh.... Curiosity is such a beautiful thing. :D Yet, it is so, so complex.

I bet you're curious now... why exactly am I becoming a doctor? You're probably tired of reading... so I'll be telling you soon enough...