Prelude to "The Mind of an Examining Med Student - The Sequel"

Above: A Dominican kid climbing in the Salybia territory.
You'll find me climbing trees after my exam. Keep your eye out.

I never thought that I'd write again before my exam, but...
I'm in need of a break.

Here's why.

I think that another med student on a forum put studying for the big exam well... It's like running a marathon. Practice. Practice. Practice. So, out there, several studying-aid companies offer practice exams that are only 4 hours long, and there's exams that are also more like the real thing, about 8 hours long.

Well ... I took the 8 hour practice exam today.

As I took my exam in a deep corner of the library, stuck in a cubicle to separate myself from the rest of the world... I tried to simulate what the big day in a couple days would be like. Let me tell you, that the exam threw my mind left and right. At a point, I had no idea how I was doing. As much as every question is "mutually exclusive" from another in terms of content, I felt my confidence wane left and right, as one question that I was unsure about, totally made me doubt myself on a question I would typically be sure about.

And then... after all that, my reward: a number. My brain felt fried, cooked, well-done, over-easy, scrambled, and dipped in Tabasco all at once, but it did feel good to be done.

I think that's exactly the way that my exam will go on Tuesday (other than the number actually coming six weeks later). But... there's 5 days left to study, and here's the dash to the finish to making my score the best it possibly can.

It's game time.

Blue Collar, Blue Scrubs

Above: Michael Collins, author of the 2009 book Blue Collar, Blue Scrubs.

"BELIEVE IN
THE SYSTEM."

I needed some inspiration... but we'll get to that in a second.

Two weeks ago. Just past nine in the morning, central standard time, I'm walking up to my standard desk at a local library, and oddly enough, a plastic placard was standing on it. I knew it wasn't there yesterday, but my mind was eerily perplexed why of all desks, my desk, had to have a placard on it. After laying down my bookbag on the floor, my eyes zipped right to the title heading the advertisement.

"A Night with Dr. Michael J. Collins, M.D."

Doctor coming to speak? At first I thought, meh. Well, I kept reading the mysterious placard for more... It was then I learned he was a construction worker, then turned medical student, then turned Mayo Clinic resident, into a distinguished orthopedic surgeon. He was there to promote his new book, Blue Collar Blue Scrubs, a story about his experiences before and during medical school, a transition from working in construction to medicine.

Whoa, I thought. Mind you, at this point I've been days into studying for the boards. The books were starting to get to me... I needed some inspiration to kick me back into gear.

So, I signed up.

Last night. As usual, things never go as expected. I always thought 15 minutes to my library would be just enough time to get there (it usually takes me five). Unfortunately, storms in the area, and an accident down the road, almost made me tardy for something I was really excited to go to. However, as soon as I got into the library's meeting room, dripping wet from a failed dry-dash across the parking lot, something surprised me about the audience.

Not a single med student.

In fact, I probably was the only patron under probably about the age of forty in the room. I sat in the back row, and patiently waited for Dr. Collins to make his entrance, starting to wonder if this was going to be a presentation that would be exactly tailored to me. I have material to study, my time is quite a commodity right now.

It turned out to be a well-spent 45 minutes in that room. My eyes were glazing up, watching him as he read a few passages about his experiences from transitioning from construction work into medicine, and then as he lived a life that... well was quite similar to one that I'm leading right now. Here's a few highlights & quotes:

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He said: "It's easy to fall into something and just drift along."
It's so true. Collins was referring to him choosing to go into construction initially, and enjoying it. See, it wasn't until he had an "epiphany" wondering how he could do something useful and good with his life that he started thinking about the medical field. To me, I saw this quote as referring to my tendency to believe its just easy to pass exams, and be satisified with just passing. I'm just drifting along medical school... but to improve, there's gotta be a challenge: the academic challenge to get out of the rut of just passing.

"Who wants a 25 year old beer guzzler in their medical school?"
Collins was referring to his doubts about getting into medical school when the idea came along. He overcame that doubt to get on the track of where he is now. Quite, quite impressive.

"Work isn't painful, it's rewarding."
So true... us med students gotta remember what we're here for, and it'll remind us that the work that we put toward it is all worthwhile.

"If you love enough and care enough, can't we get through the obstacles that get in our way?"
Sometimes I end up thinking like this if things don't work out. However, I'm glad that I'm not the only one pulling up those doubts sometimes. With the rigor of medical school, its hard to see sometimes when the obstacles end, and it goes back to one of the themes of Collins' book: Hard work results in accomplishments.

"Believe in the system."
During the question and answer session, I raised my hand. Upon his eye contact, signalling that I could ask my question, words came flying out of my mouth... "Understanding that a humanitarian drive called you toward medicine, when you were in the first years of medical school, faced with the loads of scientific and non-human seeming information, how did you get through it all?" After a deep pause, Collins said he didn't like the first years of medical school and compared it to a kid in the library carrying 30 books in his hands (so true). But he said that believing in medical education carrying students through is what got him through. I'm thinking about finally putting some trust into it too, even though it may be hard at times to do so.

"There is nothing like medicine."
The man's interest in medicine resonated in his voice when he said this to the crowd.

"Keep the faith."
I got a second chance to shoot another question at Collins. This time I asked, "Looking back on your experience years later, if you had one piece of advice to give a medical student, what would it be?" I felt a drop of sweat plop against my skin after the question, as one of the ladies in the audience told someone next to them, "He must be a medical student." When I heard that, I'll admit that I kind of laughed under my breath. However, again, with a deep pause, Collins replied back to me that simple quote. He then said, "As medical students, you come in idealistic... as residents, you might come out cynical." True, medical school can do so much to the students that are in it (I think I see some cynics already :P).

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At the end of all this, I can see some of you saying... Yeah, anyone can say any of that. True, but with these quotes coming from someone who broke through the obstacle of a non-scientific background to become a distinguished physician... to me, it means so much more. I'm now ready to hit my notepads and books once again.

I'm looking forward to reading Dr. Collins' Blue Collar Blue Scrubs... but for now, I gotta believe in the system.

Bookstore Junkie

Above: Semester 1, November 2007, studying in the Dominica Anne Ross Library.

After hours of studying, and creating flowchart after flowchart of material that I still haven't got a gist of organizing, I look up at a giganormous mural of Mary Shelley, Walt Whitman, and some author who goes by Melville (sorry, I'm not a literary major, so all this does is remind me of Dominica's Melville Hall). As I stare with loads of information floating through my head (the loads of pharm, for instance, I've been going through lately), the mural, with its oil-like paint renditions of the three authors / thinkers seem to stare back at me with serious, yet welcoming expressions. Sometimes, though, I get so caught up into a staring contest with them that sometimes, it seems that they're whispering back in my ear, saying...

"ATTENTION BARNES & NOBLE CUSTOMERS... WE WILL BE

CLOSING IN FIFTEEN MINUTES."

I turn around and nobody's there. I think the PA system was feigning the voice of a low-fidelity impresison of a college-bound Walt Whitman. I'm back in the real world, sitting in the Cafe of my local Barnes & Noble (the latest thing open in the suburbs conducive to my studying). I look at my watch: minute hand at the three-quarter mark, hour hand about to hit the tenth notch on the dial. Then I grab my books, and I'm out the door.

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I'll admit there's truth to "setting the mood." As I've turned into a "Medical Nomad" over the last several weeks, going from library to library, bookstore to bookstore, I've learned that being surrounded by stacks and stacks of books, pamphlets, magazines, etc. that are abound of information and by people who have a thirst for knowledge (even not medical) really helps me achieve that same thirst. That's one of the main reasons I can't exactly study at home: surrounded by a comfy couch, a big screen tv, cable internet, and a loving mom and dad (they definitely deserve credit)... I've declared home as a refuge for relaxation... and of course, typing up blogs.